At the risk of starting off this blog with what resembles negativity, I would like to bring attention to something that my beloved Philosophy of Man professor said in a discussion several years ago -- that "Waiting is Hell."
Now, one may ask why I, somebody new to the world of blogging, young, arguably promising and on the verge of what would be one (if not THE) of the greatest adventures of my life, would want to debut my new cyber persona with this dubious theme. Well, I have three reasons, mainly:
1. I think that if one does without the obvious and convenient interpretation of that statement and look at it from a more nuanced perspective, one would realize that it can also be the perfect description to where I am right now in my life .
Let me elaborate: I am 23 years old, and right now, I can think of only a handful of things that may have a more disproportionate height-weight ratio than my burgeoning figure as I am 32 weeks pregnant and gloriously overweight.
Now the figure loss may already be enough to trigger existential musings in most women, or if not, just plain old whining and griping, but what's particularly challenging to come to grips with are the shifts in lifestyle and perspective that came with the more obvious (yet just as agonizing) stretch marks and cellulite. Yes Mom, I got the curse too. Nyay.
I used to work as a field producer for one of the Philippines' biggest networks -- a job that brought many adventures, learning experiences, pressures, a considerable income and countless opportunities with it. Something that I couldn't quite get enough of as an impressionable new member of the workforce.
But fate had other plans. Okay, not fate. RJ (my better half) and I had made some calls of our own, abandoning I guess the "wiser" voices in our head that cried halt, and these eventually lead to a series of premature but nevertheless dramatic shifts in lifestyle.
Don't get me wrong though. I am excited as ever for the coming of our little Friend. I think to describe the anticipation and excitement in words would cheapen the experience. In fact, for as far as my limited wisdom can afford, I venture to say that pregnancy truly is one of the most incredible things that a woman may go through, especially one of my age and relative inexperience. And that depth and complexity also renders it quite possibly the most fulfilling, life-transforming event but also the most intimidating.
And the Wait I think is the most challenging part. When the reality of change starts to dawn on you and creep into your body -- your life -- then it starts to be the most agitating and stimulating time of your life.
Hence, the "Waiting is Hell" reference and hence, the online journal.
2. The statement is provocative and I believe would have better chances of catching the attention of the misguided few who would stumble into my little corner in cyberspace, giving me a better chance of "reaching out to people."
I don't have illusions about the possible impact that my musings would generate but I do hope that if somebody reads what I have to say about some things, then at the very least, that person would be informed, entertained, irritated (enough to elicit a comment?) or at least stimulated to do his/her own thinking on that subject. Sayang naman ang effort kung deadma lang, diba? ;)
3. And finally, I think that my chosen debut statement has an air of universality about it, for after all, isn't that what we're all doing on this planet? Waiting.
Waiting for some Grace of whatever sort to befall us; waiting for a promise to be fulfilled; waiting for an insight to reveal itself; waiting for something to end; waiting for something to begin.
And with that I hope to start this journal to help me learn and understand more the never-ending and mostly open-ended conversations that go on inside my head so I could hopefully bring more to the conversations that others are willing to start with me. :)
Disclaimer: I seriously doubt that all my entries in the future would be as "feeling-deep" or dull as this first one. Some hopefully would be more fun, mababaw, exciting and/or at least informative. OR at least some will have more pictures in them. :) So please bear with my presumptuous effort to make a difference (or get noticed, hehe). The Wait for a more inspirational entry may just be a little shorter next time.